For some time now, Giant Pandas have received a lot of coverage for their remarkably low offspring turn-out and their worryingly dropping population. Every time one of these Lun Luns, Mei Xiangs, or the genderally confusing Jinzhus give birth to a cup, the media has an orgasm. The following days are filled with pictures and pictures of ugly fuzzy fetuses.
But why should we care? These pricks do nothing. They barely even mate, which is why they're in the problem that they're in. But that's not my problem with these fag bears. They never fight anything. Bears are notorious for ripping shit apart. Its arctic cousin, for example, mauls shit all day and rolls around in the warm, bloody organs of dead baby seals. Bad ass, right? Further down, kodiaks topple trees and terrorize Anthony Hopkins and Alec Baldwin. But these Asian pussies shame the bear family.
Trust me, everyone. I have done at least one extensive Google search to find just one picture of a panda attacking something. The closest thing I found was this. The stump shows more enthusiasm. It's obvious that people want to see pandas in action. So why don't we all agree to stop breeding these natural pussies until they start mauling shit?
Also, Zoobooks is a lie.
TomFulp
A holographic recording from an Alliance officer explains that the Alliance attempted to bring peace to the population by filling the atmosphere with a drug designed to suppress aggression. The drug instead suppressed the pandas' motivation to do anything, and they died of starvation, but 0.1% had the opposite reaction and became the hyper-violent kodiaks.